2003-11-14 - 12:54 p.m.

in a weird mood last night, must-see tv wasn't doing it for me (and britney wasn't on primetime yet. did you see that, is she semi-retarded?), so i started making a list of famous people i'd like to hug, which developed into famous people i'd like to kiss, and that springboarded into the list of famous people i'd like to fuck. i even prepared stringent rules for myself when formulating this list (yes, i was stoned when i did this):

1. you can't put dead peeps on the list. this is because the list would get out of control if i did, but if you're reading this in heaven marvin gaye, you're on the good (read:fuck) list...

2. if said person is alive, you don't have to hug, kiss, or fuck them at this very moment in time. you can pick your favorite version of them in time and do 'em then (this is very helpful in the case of certain rolling stones). furthermore, if you choose to "do" a person in a time period other than now, it needs to be explained on the list (e.g. mick jagger c.1969 rather than mick jagger c.2003). if you want to hug them in any time period you meet them, you need no explanation.

3. i am in no way tied to this list. if i want to denounce anyone on it or remove them, i can do so without any penalty. say i find out that kiefer sutherland eats babies for a hobby, then he is immediately stricken from the kiss list. in the same vein, people can be added at any time based on new albums i listen to, tv shows i watch, movies i see, whatev.

4. the list only includes famous people. the hot guy i followed for two blocks last week because he had a nice ass cannot be on the list.

that said, let's hit it from the top with famous people i'd like to hug*:

mary j. blige

dr. dre

wayne coyne

bill murray

joni mitchell

thom yorke (although it would admittedly be superawkward)

david lynch

gene hackman

sofia coppola

uma thurman (because i think she needs it right now)

melissa auf der mar

jennifer jason leigh

campbell scott (if he wanted to kiss me, we could move to the next list)

bjork

jay-z

sidney poitier (c."to sir with love")

dennis haysbert

ice cube

michael j. fox (any era, anytime, but i'd be partial to the "fox years" aka family ties-teenwolf-back to the future1)

julianne moore

colin greenwood

dave grohl (i'd totally squeeze his butt)

isaac mizrahi

winona ryder (although i'd check my pockets afterward)

claire danes

emma thompson

morgan freeman

clint eastwood

sandra bullock (i'm not embarrassed to admit that i also think she'd be fun to have drinks with)

kyle mclachlan (afraid to do more than hug "coop")

steve martin

kevin kline

holly hunter

paul mccartney (the mccartney album era paul, you know when he had the beard?)

morrissey

christopher guest

jerry seinfeld

ringo (c. "hard day's night")

michael caine (possibly during the 60s "alfie" phase because he was hot, but i also like the cuddly old man version)

the 2003 red sox (minus varitek, he's on another list, natch)

famous people i'd like to kiss* (i feel compelled to note that this is the longest list, and in my head, in some cases, kissing could lead to much more):

kate moss

albert hammond jr.

macauley culkin (c. sonic youth video to the present day)

jake gyllenhahl

diane lane

marianne faithfull (during sexy mick jagger girlfriend phase, e.g., infamous mars bar incident, not heroin head phase)

anita pallenberg (see above substitute keef for mick)

ashley judd

vince vaughn

jeremy sisto (c. role in “thirteen”, open denim workshirt = hot)

brad pitt (a la “fight club” lowriding pants with hipbones showing)

dita von teese

katie holmes

john malkovich

gary oldman (c. coppola’s “dracula”)

lorraine bracco (c. “goodfellas”)

ed norton

colin farrell

liev schriber

sean patrick flannery (c. "best men")

james cavieziel (c. “the thin red line)

matthew mcconaughey

james gandolfini

john cusack

zia mccabe (from the dandy warhols)

paul newman (c. “cool hand luke”)

sean penn (any period except “i am sam”)

harrison ford (c. han solo, “blade runner”, or “indiana jones”)

robert redford (c. “barefoot in the park” or “legal eagles”)

hugh jackman (only dressed as wolverine)

jason patric (c. “rush” or “the lost boys”)

cillian murphy (jim in “28 days later)

james van der beek (only in “the rules of attraction”)

jennifer beals (c. “roger dodger”)

meg white

famke janssen

eminem

chris cooper (oddly, c. “adaptation”)

damon albarn

justine frischmann

josh homme

matt dillon (c. “little darlings”)

george clooney (anytime, but especially as ER’s doug ross)

ed o’brien (the only radiohead member i’d full-on makeout with)

leonardo dicaprio

drew barrymore

val kilmer

chris isaak

kiefer sutherland

q-tip

orlando bloom (as legolas, obvi)

patricia arquette (c. “true romance”)

christian slater (c. “heathers”, this would definitely lead to full-on sex

robert downey jr. (c. “less than zero” in eyeliner)

juliette lewis (c. “natural born killers”, i know that’s fucked)

mickey rourke (c. “9 ½ weeks

josh lucas

the “good” list, aka famous people i’d like to fuck*:

iggy pop (anytime, anyplace)

chloe sevigny

jason varitek (although i bet it wouldn’t be particularly good, i’d do it just to see his bare legs)

chris noth (with mr. big, i’d do it bigtime)

jonathan rhys meyers

viggo mortensen (c. “the blouse man” and in the trilogy)

ewan mcgregor

jonny lee miller

angelina jolie (who wouldn’t?

jean paul belmondo (c. “a bout de souffle”, bien sur!)

fabrizio moretti

jon spencer and christina martinez (together)

dylan mcdermott (c. "home for the holidays" especially)

johnny depp

keef and mick (c. late 60s-early 70s)

daniel day lewis

justin timberlake (shut up, like you wouldn’t?)

jude law

courtney taylor-taylor)

david lee roth (c. 1984, his greatest year)

pete and carl from the libertines (again, together)

alessandro nivola (c. “laurel canyon”)

gabriel garcia bernal

nikki sixx (c. "wild side" and "girls girls girls")

michael shoeffling (aka “jake ryan”)

jack white (only because i’ve heard his you-know-what is of legendary proportions)

sam shepard

bruce willis (c. “moonlighting”)

pharrell williams

ray liotta (c. “goodfellas”)

james caan (c. “the godfather”)

robert plant (c. the 70s)

perry farrell (c. the time when he performed the last lollapalooza naked)

ryan gosling

d’angelo

dennis quaid (c. "the big easy")

*i’m sure there are plenty of peeps missing from this list, but i plan to come back here and add peeps on when i think of them.

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