2003-12-03 - 12:33 p.m.
thanks to paris hilton and nicole richie for last night. "the simple life" was everything i'd hoped it to be and more...sorry jessica simpson, there's a new ditz in town and her name is paris hilton. some perfect parisms from last night:
paris: what's a well for?
nicole: people from the south hang out at walmart. paris: do you buy walls at walmart?
paris: this car doesn't have reverse. nicole: paris, you're in neutral. don't drive it like it's a porsche!
paris: what does generic mean?
nicole and paris: can't you just give us it [food at the supermkt] for free? wise cashier: this is not a soup kitchen! [paris and nicole head to the car muttering about soup kitchens. it is clear they do not know what one is]
it frightens me so that at times heroin addicted nicole richie is the voice of reason. she was the one telling paris that the car DID have reverse and that she was in neutral. she was the polite one who shook hands with her new family while paris hung back and tried to look cool holding her chihuahua tinkerbell. granted, she did propose a threesome with their pseudo-temporary brother. and she is easily swayed by paris' opinion, e.g., her newly formed aversion to dead animals AFTER paris stated the same phobia (paris: i'll like vomit if i touch one. nicole: yeah, i have a "thing" for dead animals [sounds like necrophilia to me, nicole]).
don't lie, we're all waiting with bated breath to see the girls hit the shitkicker bars dressed in couture. we're all dying to see paris hook up with a local boy and probably destroy him forever [or make a porno in a cornfield somewhere]. i think the breakout characters in the show are the grandmother "curly" [her curly hair is shaped like a rectangle, which is so avant garde] and braxton, the four year old bug killer, fried chicken conscience, and apparent confidante for the girls [problem is, he's smarter than them]. my one gripe? i don't think louis vuitton luggage and designer clothes [anyone else catch the full-on ass view of paris in her lowrider jeans?] should have been allowed. if they're gonna have to rough it, they should've been forced to wear clothes from walmart [aforementioned store that sells walls]. despite that though, i'm so there tonight for the next installment. thank you fox for consistently providing me with bad [read: good] television on these newly cold winter nights.
