2003-12-18 - 8:45 p.m.
i pinky swore, so i have to do this.
can you smell it in the air? awards season is upon us kiddies, and if you know me you know there's nothing i love more than good (read: bad) award show. the golden globes are bestowed on hollywood's "finest" by the hollywood foreign press. golden globes can often be the precursor to the real golden boy, but in truth, they're just an excuse for hollywood types to get drunk, schmooze, and be in the bathroom doing coke when they win an award. the golden globes don't like to make hard choices which is why there are so many categories. however, in many cases, an actor will win the golden globe only to be snubbed by oscar and by snubbed, i mean not even nominated. the golden globes are like a red-headed stepchild, acknowledged, but not always accepted.
as far as best picture goes i outright refuse to see "master and commander" or "seabiscuit". as much as i hate horses, i hate russell crowe even more. so for me the competition for best pic drama is between "cold mountain", "mystic river", and "return of the king". of these, i've seen "mystic river" so i can't officially weigh in yet.
best actress drama is interesting for three reasons: uma, charlize theron, and the huffing teenager from "thirteen". although i'm not sure why "kill bill" is classified as drama, i'm not mad about the inclusion of uma. but in truth, she should really be nominated for having a baby and then whipping herself into fighting shape in about a minute. i am desperate to see charlize theron in "monster" the story of female serial killer aileen wournos, and not just for the sex scenes with christina ricci. "thirteen" ruled and i don't think enough people saw it. i saw it with a high school teacher who told me it was spot on.
if sean penn ("mystic river") loses best actor drama to anyone, it better be to jude law ("cold mountain"). my sweet lord, he is quite possibly the most gorgeous creature ever made. i got visibly turned on (as only a woman could) watching him breakdance in an "inside the actor's studio" commercial the other day. i'm totally serious.
best picture musical or comedy? if "lost in translation" loses, i will as they say, "pitch a fit".
actress musical or comedy? scarlett johansson, "lost in translation", for the opening scene in the pink panties and the closing scene in the streets of tokyo. sigh.
let's make this one a sweep. best actor musical or comedy, bill murray, "lost in translation". i can ask for no "more than this". however, shout out to my darling johnny for his perfect performance in "pirates of the carribean". savvy?
let's be honest. i haven't seen any of the foreign films. and i'm not going to.
for supporting actress (which apparently combines drama and comedy/musical), the only performance i've seen to this point is holly hunter in "thirteen" which was fucking on point. i shouldn't even talk about supporting actor, because i've only seen "mystic river", but i'll make a bet i'm going to be obsessed with "big fish" after i see it, plus albert finney can play the old peeps card and all award shows like to dish out props to old peeps.
if i were voting sofia coppola would win the golden globe for best director. oh please oh please. i would live to see her blase valley girl style speech.
the second best thing about the golden globes? they give awards for tv too! it's the oscars and the emmys rolled into one. the golden globes take major chances with their choices, e.g., kiefer for "24"; claire "homewrecker" danes for "my so called life"; and keri russell for "felicity".
for drama series, i vote "24" but you already knew that.
for best actress drama, i really don't care. i'm so OVER "six feet under"; i don't watch "alias"; i loathe "the west wing"; and let's be honest does anyone watch "nip/tuck" or "joan of arcadia"? [if you do, keep it to yourself, because nobody should know that about you.]
i defer you to my choice for drama series for best actor drama: kiefer 24/7.
i'm sorry i must be dreaming, "the office" is nominated for best comedy series. i will absolutely die (happy) if gareth is at the globes. and again, ricky "simply the best" gervais nominated for best actor comedy for his sheer and utter brilliance as david brent. i pray that he wins and gives a motivational speech instead of an acceptance speech.
dear hollywood foreign press, why did you nominate "reba" for best actress comedy? i'm so shocked by this i can't even come up with any sort of joke.
the miniseries category. boo-ring. hbo movies. men in drag. angels. older women rediscovering their sex drive. nancy and ron. antonio banderas. this will be when i go to the bathroom, make a phone call, and refill my wine glass.
supporting actress and actor. the girls of "sex and the city" will probably be beaten out by tired old karen ("will and grace") again. unless pill-popping mary louise parker wins for (i'm sorry peeps) the overrated "angels in america". and for the men, just jack's caricature of a gay man will probably beat out the real portrayals (acknowledged although i didn't like the movie) of gay men from "angels in america" because if awards shows have taught us anything it's that life isn't fair and true talent always loses the race.
i can't wait. bring on the boozy acceptance speeches, the tears, the fashions, and the surprises. front and center, as always.
